Focus, focus, focus...

Daughter #3's wedding it getting very close!  Have to stay focused and keep calm to get everything done so it is the prefect wedding of her dreams.  I pray daily for good weather for the outdoor ceremony.

Holding my life together while planning this wedding has been way more difficult then I thought it would be, I hoped the wedding would distract me from my unhappiness...it has not.  However, without the wedding as a distraction I would probably have already left...we'll see what happens when the wedding is said and done.

The saddest thing to me is Mr. Husband doesn't seem to have a clue.  I've talked to him and point blank told him one than once that I'm not happy with the way our relationship is and that I miss the "old" us...he has done nothing to try to help the situation.  It would not take much, just a little effort would go a long way.  Example, it was Friday night we went to Total Wines to buy wine to sample for the wedding, the store was full of tasting vendors:

Bootsie:   This is a fun store, you want to taste something?

Mr. Husband:  No, that's okay.

Bootsie:  Why not?  We're here and it's free...

Mr. Husband:  You go ahead...

We tasted a couple of things, but could tell he would rather just leave.

Driving away from the store I asked "do you want to get something to eat while we're out?"  I'm hoping beyond hope he'll suggest we go "out" to eat. He'll maybe want to take me out. Well, he suggests pizza and proceeds to stop at Little Caesars for a $5.00 take out pizza.  Not what I was hoping for.  So once again I squash my disappointment and don't make a big deal out of it...it is like he has no personality, he seldom laughs, never suggests we go anywhere or do anything and does not put any thought or effort into much of anything.  I recognize the fact that he is a good man and I could have things so much worse, but I'm not happy with our marriage and I can't fix it alone and he doesn't seem to care enough to even try to step and do anything about it.

I fantasize about living in a small apartment and doing anything I want.  It is a crazy fantasy.
but I dream of it daily...to go home if I want to or not and being totally spontaneous!! 

I try to focus on the good things because there are good things to be grateful for...but they don't make me happy...

Keeping it real...