Corona Virus Craze

This first three months of 2020 have been anything but normal...where to begin?

January - Started working at Block Advisors for 2020 tax season.
January - ER visit revealed a 11 mm kidney stone.
January - Sarah leave for boot camp.
February - Gatlin has lumbar puncture and chemo at hospital, Aunt Sherry went too.
February - surgery to remove kidney stone.
February - Army cancelled Family Day and Graduation for Sarah's boot camp.
February - COVID-19 quarantine.  Mass paranoia. Stores are empty.
March - Poppy passed away.
April - 2nd kidney stone surgery.

A very serious virus called Coronavirus or COVID-19...it has cause so much chaos in the world!!
Public pandemic is a real thing and I never thought I see it in my lifetime.  This is something that happened in the past, like 1918...

The government has force businesses, restaurants, department stores, nail salons, etc...to close their doors to help stop the spread of this horrible virus.  The elderly, people with weak immune systems or respiratory issues are at high risk.  The virus attacks the  respiratory system and many people have to be placed on ventilators, many have not survived.  Not only are businesses closed, but there is a "shelter in place" order in affect...unless your job is deemed "essential" business you are to stay at home, in your home and not go anywhere.  Please are hording toilet paper, meat, eggs etc...mass buying, panic buying!!!  It is the craziest thing I have ever seen.  The store shelves are empty, no paper products available.  It is so strange to walk into the local grocery store and see empty shelves day after day.  Stores are beginning to enforce two item limits; like only two packages of TP can be bought at a time.  Hand sanitizer is non existent, cleaners, soaps, disinfectant wipes are all gone.
Craziness shear craziness!!

We are all so very sad and upset we cannot attend Family Day or Graduation for Sarah's boot camp, she has worked so and was looking so forward to having us all there to celebration graduation and her birthday, which were the same day.  So unfair everything COVID-19 has robbed us of.  My heart is so sad and hurting for my beautiful daughter, all she talked about for months before going to boot camp was how emotional and beautiful graduation was, we watch video after video of different graduations...she was so excited.  It was all been ripped away. 

The economical impact is going to be huge, so many people forced to leave jobs to help stop the spread of the virus, dentist office are not seeing patience except for emergencies.  Concerts, graduations, weddings, even funerals are all shut down.  So very sad, if I wasn't witnessing it first hand I would not fully understand or believe all that is happening.  Currently the country is under strict "stay at home" orders.  Restaurants are closed except for take out or drive thru services...no dining in...this industry is being hit really hard.  Basically the only stores open are grocery stores, Dollar Stores, Dollar Tree, gas stations.  These are all deemed "essential".   

I understand doing all we can to stop the spread, I really do...but I do believe some of this craze is to the extreme!!  Oh well...

Thursday, March 5, 2020 our beloved step dad aka Poppy was finally at peace and free of the cancer he'd battled for 12 years.  Sunday he took a turn for the worse, he was taken the hospice unit at Baylor Scott & White (formal All Saints) hospital.  I followed the ambulance to the hospital and spent the entire in the ER waiting for the hospice people to come so I could complete the paperwork.  At 5:30a they finally got him in a room.  I sat with him every day for hours and talked to him, he was incoherent and unconscious, but I talked any way.  He was so good to me and my girls, so giving, so loving, so patient and generous to a fault.  We loved him dearly.  RIP Poppy.

The hardest part, was having to send Sarah a message at boot camp that her Poppy had passed away.  She was allowed to call and she called me.  We talked for a few minutes and I told we would not have the service until she got home, Uncle Boo wanted him and her to be in dress uniform to honor Poppy, he will be memorialized with full military honor and his flag will be presented to Sarah.

A bright spot in all this mess, I found an amazing church.  Open Door in Burleson is amazing and the pastor is incredible.  

So much more to write, but will have to finish another day.

Keeping it real!!

Soldier Girl

Well, here we are almost mid February...life has slowed down in some ways, but hectic as ever just in different ways!!

I accepted a position with Block Advisory back in October, since then I've been training and learning about the tax world, scheduling clients, working with tax advisors and learning the ropes at the FW office.  It was been very chaotic and unorganized (in my opinion).  Next week, Feb 10-14 will be my first full week of Mon-Fri 8:30a-4:00p.  I'm a bit nervous, due to the fact the phone system sucks and coupled with my bad hearing and people mumbling on the phone...I struggle with the phone.  I voiced my concerns to my boss, because the upper management has a huge campaign of "mystery callers" and the office is graded, the FW office is behind in other areas and I do not want to be the reason we are graded poorly for "mystery calls"...apparently my boss said something to her boss and I'll be working on a project tomorrow, which I assume won't be on the phone!!  I personally think the whole "mystery call" campaign is a ridiculous, time consuming and a bit behind the times.  Each manager must make multiple calls to different offices plus their own offices, they have to ask questions and see if the receptionist (or whomever) answers the phone will follow a script provide by corporate...offer drop off, online, upfront pricing, MyBlock account etc...I get it is a marketing technique and we should know the information...but I also feel each call should be handled on a case by case bases. Readying from a scrip is not natural and sounds phony...oh well, I'm really glad this is a temporary position...over April 15, 2020!  Whew...lots of responsibility for very little pay!!

January 28, 2020, baby girl (daughter #3) left for Army boot camp, its 10 weeks.  Her husband, daddy and myself took her to the airport.  She will be in Columbus, South Carolina at Ft. Jackson.  She'll graduate April 9th, which is her birthday...that's pretty cool!! We'll go to family day and graduation, I'm very excited.  She called her husband once and sent me a picture after six days...have not heard from her since.  So hard for this mama's heart!!  On a positive note, there is a FaceBook page for her unit.  I actually got to see a picture of her on FB...so that was cool.  I've sent her a card with a short letter every day since I got the address!!  She'll probably be a little embarrassed from all the mail she'll receive, but oh well...a mama's gotta do what a mam's gotta do!!  LOL!!

Watching her disappear around the corner of the walkway to the airplane just about did me in!!  It was all I could do not to fall completely apart...I'm such a tender heart especially when it comes to my kids and grandkids. UGH!!!  I'm a mama bear and want them all close at hand not half way across the country.  I gotta toughen up!!  If she ever deployed overseas I'll be a wreak, God is definitely going to have to get me through that when/if it happens!!

February 3 my sister turned 65, to celebrate her son bought wine tour tickets for three of us in Grapevine, we visited three wineries, had a nice lunch and stayed in a nice hotel.  My sister, her daughter in law and myself, we had a blast!!  Laughed, cried, ate, drank and thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

I'm still struggling with how I'm going to move out of this house, I'm miserable living here.  Husband is in complete denial and doesn't believe I'll leave.  We've been in separate rooms on the opposite side of the house for over two years, plus the year I was living in Magnolia due to grandson's leukemia treatments.  The only reason I'm still here is because I cannot support myself.  I'm working on a couple of options.  Have a friend that has a three bedroom house and said I could move in with her for low close, I could go stay at my daughter's house, but it is under major construction and the dust, dogs and cats really get my allergies stirred up...I've stayed there before...I always have the options of going back to Magnolia, which is looking like the best option.  If I don't have a permanent position when Block Advisory job ends I'll probably move back to Magnolia.  I want to be with my grandkids.  I'll find a job down there...

I just want to be happy, I'm so full of life and love adventure I just can't settle for sitting on the couch for the rest of my life.  Husband is perfectly content on the couch...he is not a good traveler, everything makes him nervous and he gets very grumpy when out of his normal environment. He can be very self centered, selfish and lazy at times.  Has no imagination, he doesn't even try to find things to do.  I've asked him many times "what do you want to do?  you can do anything you want."  He says he can't think of anything to do.  I just don't get it, I'm not wired that way...I want to live life to the fullest and experience as much as possible!!!

Oh well, enough of complaining for night!!  LOL!!

Keeping it real!! Life is short, live it!!

Holidays 2019

Well, here we are post holidays, YEA!  2019 holidays were the worst on record...no one reason, but a collective series of events.  Already wrote about Christmas and how I felt about it.  New Year's wasn't much better.  No one was feeling good, so it was very low key and all in bed by 10:30 me included, however I didn't sleep until the wee hours of the morning.  Everything just felt off kilter, not sure why...well, that's probably not entirely true I could definitely name a few reasons, but will save for another time.

However, it wasn't a totally bummer we drove to see Emma Jeter who was running 55 hours with a goal of at least a 100 miles with the Snowdrop Foundation and her Snowdrop, Gatlin!!  She was so happy to see us and loved on Gatlin and took pictures with him.  It was a lovely warm day and we thoroughly enjoyed the outing.  Emma is an earth angel, she has dedicated all her runs to Gatlin this year and gives him her medals and buckles. It's an amazing thing.  One day when he's older and fully understands the significance of it all he'll really appreciate it.  At five he doesn't get it, but his parents, grandparents and others get it...simply amazing!!

On another subject, I've been "shopping" around for a new church.  One I could really connect with, I've visited serval in the area and all are good with decent messages.  But, one day I read a post from a fellow classmate who said he had visited Open Door in Burleson and absolutely felt the love, support and warmth.  So I went to Open Door the next Sunday, it was amazing!  Troy Brewer the pastor is really incredible.  His preaching is spot on and relates to modern day life, there are times I think is he talking directly to me.  At one point, I thought "how'd he know what I was thinking and how troubled I am?"  I just knew when I looked up he'd be looking at me...LOL!!!  Anyway, today January 19 was my second Sunday attending.  And again, he spoke directly to me!!  I think I've found the connection I've been looking for.  Plus the bonus is I already have friends there.

Thank God for my friend that cried with me this morning, for no other reason than I was crying!!  God bless you my friend!! 

God is moving in my life, he is giving me strength to do what I have and need to do.  Hurting someone is so hard, I've always put others feelings ahead of my own and squashed my real feelings to avoid hurting others, but sometimes that is not the best way to handle a situation.  I deserve to be happy and so does husband, he is in denial and refuses to admit we're not happy. If we don't talk about it it doesn't exist, that's his mind set!!

I'm getting there and with God by my side He'll get me through it and the other person too, if they'll let him.

Well, gotta go for now.

Keeping it real!!  Life is short, live it!!

Christmas 2019

Well, another year has gone by and what a year it has been.  Full of uncertainties, challenges and change.

Christmas this year was very different, Daughter #2 and family went to Colorado with friends for the holiday, Daughter #3 went to Lubbock, TX with her husband and family.  Daughter #1 was in town.
In past years the tradition has been Christmas Eve at our house, but the last two years have been very different.  Christmas 2017 grandson had his tonsils out so we went to Magnolia because he couldn't travel.  Christmas 2018 grandson was just beginning his leukemia treatments, so we went to Magnolia.  But had to leave and drive home Christmas Eve, because grandpa came down with the flu and couldn't be around grandson going through chemo treatments. So I spent the next five days catering to a man with the flu.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I was alone, because no one could come to this house because of the patient with the flu.  I thought it was possibly the worst Christmas on record, but it didn't hold that status long...because I'm going on record claiming Christmas of 2019 as the worst to date.  I have never felt so alone and struggled to even fake a smile.

We started Christmas morning visiting with mother and Joe, who are bed redden for the most part. Neither are in good health and do not get out much.  Then went to Daughter #1's house for a quick visit and gift exchange, it was nice to see them.  Always enjoy hanging out with them.  So glad we got to see at least one of the girls and granddaughter.  Left daughter's house and went to my sister's house.  My nephew is a master at smoking brisket and all the food was delish. It's always a good time when at their house.  But, I was missing my girls and grandkids in the worst way.  I know a huge part of the reason I was so miserable is due to the fact I was with husband, we have been in a horrible relationship for several years (not abusive), that's a whole other issue in itself I need to elaborate on later.

Anyway, so many factors factor into why it was such a miserable Christmas.  I was not feeling it, at all.  Oh well, I did put on a brave face and had a decent time at my sister's house.  It was pleasant enough and really enjoyed seeing everyone that was there.  Just not the same...I know as time passes and family dynamics change, so do holidays.  The holidays of yester year are great memoires, but they are just that, memories.

I tried to focus on the fact I would be seeing Daughter #2 and grandkids in a few days to have a belated Christmas and spend Year's Eve with them.  I know I sound like I'm having a huge pity party, perhaps I am, but sometimes you just have to whaler in self pity...just don't unpack and life there!!

This whole past year has been very difficult, between grandson's leukemia diagnoses, leaving my job of 17 years, giving up my life in Fort Worth and moving to Magnolia.  I do not regret a single decision and I would do it all over again if need be, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard to do.  However, with all that being said...my biggest blessings have emerged from my darkest days.  I learned so much about myself that I didn't even know existed.  I left my comfort zone and took a leap of faith like non other in my entire life!!!  Now I can't go back to the old me or the old life and that creates a huge problem in married life.

Keeping it real.  Moving forward.  Hard decisions ahead.

Much love to all!!

Kevin Klien - Going to the Top of the World for Kids

Kevin Klien is a popular radio DJ in Houston, Texas.  He has a passion for kids, especially kids fighting cancer.  This is just a part of his story, but I know this part first hand as we met Kevin.

Have to back up a couple of months, Jessica was contacted by a woman who told her she ran marathons for kids with cancer, she was part the Snowdrop Kids organization and each year she dedicates her runs/medals to a child fighting cancer.  Her name is Emma Louis Jeter.  This year Gatlin is her kid. 

Emma told Jessica she was running a marathon in Oregon for Gatlin.  She ran and she won a medal. Jessica is contacted again by Emma who wants to present Gatlin the medal she won.  She told us the Snowdrop Foundation was having an event at Gallery Furniture (Mattress Mack) in Houston and wanted to present the medal to Gatlin via live streaming on FaceBook.  It was an amazing event, I had no idea what Snowdrop was or what they did.  But, we soon found out.  That day at Gallery Furniture Emma indeed presented Gatlin with her medal in a live interview on FaceBook.  At the event was a guy running on a treadmill, we told about his upcoming adventure...he was training to run over 300 miles along the Alaskan  Delta Highway to raise awareness and funds for childhood cancer.  He would be carrying a backpack to the "top of the world" with over 1800 names of children who, are fighting, fought or survived childhood cancer.  Kevin told our Gatlin his name is on the list going to the "top of the world".  We are so very touched.

So Kevin is scheduled to start his 300 mile adventure November 2019 (I do not know exact date).  Last night I was reading about him and all that is entailed preparing for this race, there was a picture of a woman putting a huge stack of cards in Kevin's backpack, her son Caleb is in that stack of cards.  Later I found a FB page saying, "follow along with Kevin and his journey to the "top of the world"".  The organizer asked everyone to post a picture and brief message of the child whose name is going with Kevin.  I was reading the posts and became overwhelmed with emotion.  So many children have not made it through their cancer journey.  I have never been so sad or felt such grief in my life and for people I do not even know.  The beautiful faces with date of births and then date of deaths.  My heart has never felt so heavy.  I truly wanted to reach through the screen and hug each parent, grandparent, sibling, aunt, uncle etc...for each child!!

Kind of got ahead of myself, back to the event at Gallery Furniture...it was really fun!  They had six king size mattresses pushed together to form a huge "bounce" area for the kids!!  We even met Mattress Mack himself, owner of Gallery Furniture.  He is the sweetest man and does huge things for the Houston community. He is quite the celebrity in Houston.  The store is pretty cool, there are inspirational quotes/saying printed on all the walls, there is a glassed in area with live monkeys, yes monkeys!!  They are so active and fun to watch, we all enjoyed seeing them.

I just have to say there is a special place in heaven for people like Emma, Kevin and organization like Snowdrop Kids.  They are all heroes in my book. 

I will probably never do anything has huge as Keven or Emma, but I will continue to support the fundraising and awareness events for childhood cancer long after our Gatlin is healed. 

As hard as it is to say, because this leukemia diagnoses has been hell...we are among the lucky ones!!  Gatlin's leukemia is one of the most treatable types, he was diagnosed at the best age for survival.  His prognosis is good.  Yes, he's had challenges, high blood pressure, high live enzymes, nausea, fatigue, horrible side effects of steroids, but his prognosis is good the doctors say he is tolerating and responding to treatment well.

I will find away to help other families going through what we've been through, give support, make a meal, send a toy, clean a house, mow a lawn...nothing will ever be enough!!!

#teamgatlin #gatlinstrong

Keeping it real. 

Until next time...I have to write all this down in hopes to give Gatlin a glimpse of the love and support so many people have shown our family and him during his journey.

Year from Hell continued...

As bad as the leukemia diagnosis has been, we have had so many wonderful people reach out to us in so many ways.  The support from family, friends and complete strangers has been overwhelming at times.  We are so grateful for every experience!!  I'll try to capture some of our experiences.

First the neighborhood put together a food chain, someone brought us dinner every single night for 30 days!! Might not seem like a big deal, but it was huge!!  Cam, Jessica and I could focus on Gatlin, whatever that meant...sometimes it was watching him sleep, others times is was holding him because he was so sick and confused.  At four he did not understand what was happening, all he knew was he felt bad and his whole world had been ripped apart. He now had to take medicine daily and some of the meds were horrendous and it was an ordeal making him take them.  Mama and daddy were tasked with this unpleasant task!!  It was horrible!!

Jessica's best friend Keli put together a fundraiser, first a GoFundMe page, then a t-shirt and bracelet sell.  And later football pots.  She is one of the most selfless people I've ever known.  She sold close to 200 shirts and 600 bracelets, the shirts had written on the back "Not all super hero wear capes, sometimes they fight leukemia". The bracelets have Gatlin Massey and "Fighting like a super hero" on them, also had the Batman icon.  Gatlin become know as our Super Hero, because two days before his diagnosis Cam took a picture of Gatlin and Savannah in Super Hero costumes,  Gatlin was Batman and Savannah was Wonder Woman.  This picture become the face of #teamgatlin, also something Keli did, she created the #teamgaltin FB page.  So we were all sporting our orange TeamGatlin t-shirts and bracelets (I never take my bracelet off).  Orange is the color for the leukemia ribbon.  So shirts and bracelets are all orange...I will forever have a orange on!!

Each visit to the hospital was an adventure, TCH is amazing and has activities, celebrities and events almost every week.  We met the driver of the Whiplash Monster Truck, went to the Monster Truck even and Gatlin loved seeing his new "best friend".  We met several Astros players and Orbit.  Had a space day complete with a real astronaut suit and "built an astronaut" station.  All so very touching.

Also, with these events we met other families with children fighting.  One in particular was the Ericha Williams, her daughter Addyson has the exact opposite problem as Gatlin.  Her body does not produce white blood cell, she has no ANC no way to fight infection, it's call Aplastic Anemia.  She has had three bone marrow transplants and is still going through treatments. But doing much better.  Turns out the Williams family live in Magnolia too and Ericha and Jessica know some of the same people...such a small world.

The Winter of 2019 was the longest, wettest darkest winter I can ever remember.  The kids and I did crafts, went to the library, went to the "treehouse" (my garage apartment), watch endless Power Rangers, Oscar's Oasis, Lava mixed with Princess Poppy and Barbie shows!! But, the Summer of 2019 will forever be my best summer. Ever!!  I was off the entire summer and spent it in Magnolia.  Even under the circumstances of leukemia we had a great summer. We swam almost every day.  I got to take the kids to swim lessons every day for two weeks, they had a blast!!  After swim lessons we'd usually go eat lunch in Magnolia, then go home for a nap.  Get up have a snack and swim again.
It was also the summer of my 60th birthday, Cam, Jessica and the other two girls along with my sister threw me the best birthday pool party. Ever.  Even my brother and his family came!!  It was a beautiful day full of love, celebration and gratefulness!!

Well, I will close for now and pick up again later...still lots more to come!!

Keeping it real

#teamgatlin

Year from Hell - Leukemia

Not sure where to even begin...so I guess at the very beginning.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018 forever engrained on my heart as a night of shear terror.

Four year old grandson, Gatlin was diagnosed with leukemia, specifically Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.  It is a blood cancer.  I now know more about leukemia than I ever wanted to know. 

The next few days were a complete whirlwind of test, blood transfusion, lumbar puncture, chemo, labs etc...and a feeling of total helplessness.

His day started like any other day, up early at 5:30p, went to day care.  Teacher calls mama tells her Gatlin is running a low grade fever, but not to come get him yet.  She said she'll check him after nap time.  He woke up from his nap with a 104 temperature, day care called mama, she called doctor and took him right in.  I talked to her all the way to the doctor's office, she told me how awful he looked and how horrible he felt.  He was prone to strep throat, so we're assuming that's the culprit.  Doctor looks at his swollen lymph nodes and says "those are impressive, I want you to take him straight to Texas Children's Hospital emergency room. They will be expecting you".

I get the call they are on their way to TCH, 15 minutes later we're on the road headed to Houston.  Three hours later while driving through College Station Jessica calls with the news...it's leukemia.  I cannot even begin to tell you the emotions I felt...it was like the breath had been knocked out of me.  I simply could not believe what I was hearing.  Please God let it be a mistake.  It was no mistake.

I walked into the ER room and saw Jessica holding her very sick son with his daddy near by with tears in his eyes.  Her first words to me were "I'm so angry!!"  They spent the night in ICU monitoring him very closely.  We were told they'd have to move him to the downtown Houston TCH. Late Thursday night Gatlin and Jessica rode in an ambulance with Cam and me following.  Friday afternoon he had his first of many lumbar punctures and later that night his first of many chemo treatments.  After a week in the hospital, they are sent home to endure the worst 28 days of their lives.  Mega steroids changed our sweet carefree boy into an angry, frustrated and very irritable child.  During this 28 days, he gain 10% of his body weight which caused others issues, he could not climb up into his chair to eat, he was too heavy, he had trouble walking and would fall frequently.  Too much weight gain in too short of time his little body didn't know how to control the extra weight.  All he wanted was to eat "white noodles" aka fettuccini alfredo.  His parents took turns sleeping with him and would get up in the middle of the night to eat "white noodles".  Finally, the 28 days were over and the steroids started to leave his body and we got our precious boy back. His walking improved as the weight begin to drop off.

October 12, 2018 was a big day.  He had another lumbar puncture to check for cancer cells.  It was the first of many milestones he/we would cross. 

There is so much more, but I'll move on to another topic.  We knew he would not be able to return to day care for at least nine months making it August 2019.  I decided to retire early (that's a whole other story I'll elaborate on later) and move to Magnolia to keep Gatlin and Savannah and also be available to go with Jessica for chemo and LPs.  So January 7, 2019 I started my baby sitting gig and Jessica returned to work.  Every Thursday for months we traveled to downtown Houston TCH for chemo, the hospital is an hour and 20 minutes from Magnolia.  So needless to say, every Thursday was an adventure, Houston traffic can be a total fickle bitch!!!  But, we fell into a routine, drop Savannah off at day care, start our way downtown, stop at Whataburger for breakfast and chocolate milk per Gatlin's request.  Make it to the 14th floor designated as the oncology clinic and procedure floor.  It is a lovely child friendly floor, but also heartbreaking.  As you sit waiting for your appointment you see so many children in various stages of treatment...it can really get to you!!

So much more to write, but going to fast forward...today our Super Hero is doing well, he's had several issues his oncologist has had monitor closely.  He is not done yet...treatment should be complete Fall of 2021.

More later...so much more!!  Keeping it real

#teamgatlin
#leukemiasucks